Apparently all of these thoughts about decorating my apartment and enjoying my home have been crowding in, because last night I had a dream about it. In the dream, Tyler and I had to move from the lovely apartment we’re in now to a tiny apartment in a dirty building, located in a slum-y (is that a word?) area of town. We got there and I was just trying not to cry as we found our way to our new apartment. When we found it, we opened the door and started to explore, only to find out that the people before us hadn’t gotten all of their stuff moved out and there was clutter EVERYWHERE. To top all of this off, this must have been a few years down the road because Tyler and I had an infant in tow. In my dream I kept longing for my little apartment we’re currently living in, with its oceanic blue-green painted walls and its perfect doorways, and beating myself up for the fact that I didn’t fully appreciate what I had until it was gone.
AGHH! You know that feeling you get when you have a realistic bad dream? When you wake up and know it wasn’t real, and yet are haunted by the fact that it very well could be? This wasn’t monsters hiding under the bed, this was, (at least to a degree), a realistic situation that could happen in real life. Not that I see it in my future, but it’s not like it was simply a dream about me falling FOREVER from a 2nd floor into the basement’s basement’s basement. I don’t know about you, but when I wake up from one of these “real life” dreams it takes a while for me to accept that it’s not actually real.
I’ve been thinking about it throughout the day and the dream helped me realize a few things:
- I need to fully appreciate my home right now. Honestly, this isn’t very hard because I LOVE my apartment. I’ve never really known how it felt to love where I live until now. (Well maybe for a couple of years in college, but I don’t think that a dorm room really counts. 😉 ) It may sound “hokey”, as my alma mater’s dean of chapel would say, but just walking into this apartment for the first time felt like home. The first night we stayed there, even with everything a wreck, felt so right.
- Going off of that, however, I need to make my home more enjoyable. Part of the reason that the apartment felt perfect was the fact that it is just crying out for me to finish it. All of the beginning work, the painting, the fixtures, the appliances… they’re all practically perfect for my taste. It was like it was designed with my husband and I in mind, and it’s been waiting for me to give it a finishing touch. Although I love my apartment’s “bare bones”, I am ready to make it more homey. Pictures need to be hung, decorations mounted, boxes unpacked. I need to take the next step to make this place our home and fully enjoy it, because the reality is we really don’t know how long we’ll be here. I don’t want to move out and realize I still have empty picture frames and painted canvases lying around, waiting to find their place on my empty walls.
- I need to come to peace with the fact that our future is in God’s hands, and have the strength to give him today as well. We are at this exhilarating, terrifying point in our lives where there’s no telling what the future holds. If God tells us tomorrow that we need to change our plans all over again, would I be ready to accept that? Because last time wasn’t so easy—I still have teary moments over us not moving to Indiana. I want to have a willing heart and a joyful spirit. I want to say “Where You lead me I will follow” with sincerity. I want to hold in my heart, not just my head, the knowledge that what we have—no matter how little or how much—is not ours; we are just stewards for our Master.
God, teach me to be joyful, whether in times of plenty or in times of hardship. Teach me to love the Giver, not just the gifts. Teach me to fully enjoy what You’ve placed in my hands, no matter if Your purpose is for me to keep it and enjoy its beauty or to find joy in giving it away.
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